Happy New Year! No need for a new you.
Happy New Year! No need for a new you.
Our Director of People and Development, Helen Smith, shares her thoughts on the alternative to the new year, new you approach…
The new year is often sold as time for a ‘new you’. A time to get fit, get healthy, set a whole raft of resolutions and to be more positive. Only this morning I heard a radio presenter laughing that they have already failed on the new hair, new waist, new diet, new garden goals they set themselves only a few days ago.
For some people it may well be a time that they feel motivated for change or are naturally drawn to focus on goals – and obviously as a coach I would always support that! However, it is not going to feel like that for everyone and we need to ask if the mantra of ‘New Year, New You’ is actually helpful. Do you really need a new you?! We don’t need to keep recreating ourselves every 12 months with possibly the same resolutions we made the previous year.
Toxic positivity is the label given when a person, phrase or culture pushes only positive thoughts and feelings even when a person is in emotional or physical pain; it does not allow any validation of a person’s feelings. By pursuing the ‘New Year, New You’ message there is a risk that we are promoting the culture of toxic positivity and also that we are setting ourselves up to feel like we have failed after not achieving the unrealistic ‘new you’ resolutions.
So what’s the alternative?
What about if we work with the you that you already have and take a kinder and more compassionate start to the year? To accept your whole self and to think about what you need right now.
The starting point is recognising how you feel – naming the emotions and validating them. The emotions wheel below shows how many different emotions we are capable of feeling! Be honest about your feelings – and notice if you have developed the habit of trying to ignore the more challenging emotions.
Next try and just sit with your emotion. Notice how your body feels and how your mind feels. You are allowed to feel whatever you need to feel!
Some emotions will make you feel motivated and focussed and they may mean it is a good time to identify some goals and plan how to reach them.
Other emotions mean that you need to allow yourself time. Maybe time to wallow, time to rest and time to feel what the emotion is telling you.
If the emotions are challenging, it is time to practice some self-compassion. Think about what would help you to be kind to yourself – a bubble bath, some time outside in nature, a good cry, a chat with a friend, looking at your favourite artwork. At this moment it is not the time to set new goals, that will come once you are ready.
It is time to be kind to yourself and acknowledge that you as you are, is good enough!
Helen x
