What goodbyes tell us

What goodbyes tell us

Last month we said goodbye to one of our number (although she’ll always be a Boo). As we gathered to mark Helen’s transition away from us, laughed and shared memories and well wishes – it made me think about what goodbyes tell us.

We’ve all left workplaces under a cloud, but for me, most of my workplace farewells have been bittersweet in their joyfulness. In fact, the ‘happy goodbyes’ from previous jobs were part of my hello at Boo. For my application to become Happiness Ambassador I put together a short animation about my strengths and values, listing happy memories I carried with me from former workplaces and compliments I’d received as a colleague. The jobs were behind me, but those interactions travelled with me, shaping who I am and how I connect with others.

I told the story of one of my favourite departures, in which my team mates booked a training room and delivered a hilarious presentation about me whilst, inexplicably, dressed as members of the Royal Family,  Justin Bieber or Dr. Who. Thoughtful send offs make for wistful departures, which seems contradictory when you’re leaving by choice. But what do ‘happy goodbyes’ really teach us?

 

 

3 Lessons from Pleasant Partings

1. Our work is more than the sum total of the tasks we perform. Our learning, our relationships and our shared memories outlast the job. Acts of reciprocal kindness, support and encouragement, humour, emotional support and shared storytelling – all create value and and a legacy that becomes part of us.
2. A departure is a ending, but you can reframe it as a rite of passage – and celebrate it accordingly. Like any transition, leaving can be eased with gratitude and self care, but it is in rituals shared with colleagues we find a sense of both closure and continuity.
3. What we carry with us more important than the desk we’ve left behind. In a fresh start we can choose what to take and what to discard. We can embrace all our mixed emotions as we navigated change – but what we focus on the most is what will linger. Choose the joy.

Goodbyes bring out the best in our humanity.

I once had a Kurdish relative who would sprinkle water behind us when we went on holiday. I really liked this symbolic act of farewell, designed to protect the traveller and honour the emotional bonds between us.

Many cultures have their own symbolic acts or words of blessing for times of departure. The Irish have the phrase Go n-éirí an bóthar leat (‘may the road rise up to meet you’). Jewish culture has specific blessings or psalms to recite for those leaving on a journey, in Tibet they sprinkle barley flour or make small offerings to protect travellers. Common rituals worldwide include wishes for health, safety and abundance, good fortune and a smooth journey, invocations of divine protection, or the giving of tokens or talismans.

Here? We might have a small party, give a gift or a card, exchange hugs, and speak words of good luck, which is what we did for Helen.

Go smiling, Helen.

(Photos from a job I left in 2013 – my 12th anniversary having just passed. Some of my colleagues and I got photobooth pictures taken during my last few days.)