If trees could think…now that’s got your attention!

If trees could think…now that’s got your attention!

Our resident Organisational Psychologist, Patti, shares her musings on how we can help ourselves let go of the things we can’t control…

 

We’re getting deep into autumn now and we can start to really feel the change in temperature, the change in darkness and the changes in nature around us. One of the things I’ve started to notice as I’ve been walking around recently, is how it’s getting to that time of year when the trees are losing their leaves. We all know this is a given process and happens each year, but I often wonder: if trees could think, is that what the tree would want? Would it want to lose its beautiful colours? Would it want to lose its insultation and warmth?

Now, I know that trees don’t feel emotions, but it reminded me of the fact that we often have to go through life getting on with things that we didn’t want to happen. We have an innate desire to control things in life, maybe it’s because we’re scared of what the future holds, or maybe we don’t want to tolerate a difficult situation.

One natural thing that happens is that the more uncertain we are about a situation, the more we will cling to an attempt at controlling it. There’s are a lot we can’t control! We are all complex and messy and vary wildly in how we see and experience the world and its many challenges. That means we all handle things differently – with differing desires to control our circumstances and situations… we will never all be able to fully control what we may want to.

The good news?

For everything that we can’t control, there is usually some aspect that we can, for instance, we are always in control of our reactions, behaviour, and actions. Whilst this might feel tricky, we all have automated responses to things that we do and don’t like, but we can learn (over time and practise) how to respond in a way that protects our energy.

Why does letting go of things we can’t control benefit us?

• It saves us energy; we will waste energy tirelessly trying to control the uncontrollable. If we let go of things we can’t control we have extra energy to give to the things we can control
• Having more energy also gives us more headspace and time to be open to new opportunities and ideas
• If we aren’t spending time trying to control things, we can be fully present and in tuned to our own lives
• By letting go of the external factors that we can’t control, we can increase our confidence in ourselves; we have the answers to our problems; we have the ability to deal with whatever comes our way; we have the resources to respond to any issues that may come up.

So, how do we try to let go of control?

This can be scary! It may make us feel nervous, or vulnerable even, and it takes strength and courage to stop trying to control everything. Try to reflect on the benefits of letting go of control we outlined above. You will have your own ways of doing this so please continue to use those! Here are a few helpful tips we have learned:

• Take some time now, note down the things you can control and the things that you can’t. Here at Team Boo we’ve put together this Autumn reflection tree which is a visual representation of some of the things that we may not be able to control (like those falling leaves) and some of the things that we can control (like those solid individual branches that are ours to control as we like). And also, a shout out to remember who is in your support network to help you with this? It’s a really useful exercise when you’re feeling overwhelmed to sit down and draw, or write, or paint, what we are in control of and what we can’t control. Just the simple process of outlining the differences here can be the starting point of letting go of potential frustration, anger, sadness around things we can’t control.
• Try to make flexible plans; we never know exactly how things will turn out so make your plans flexible enough to encompass unexpected turns and outcomes
• When setting goals, focus the achievement on your actions rather than outcomes. A variety of things (often out of our control) may get in the way of what we wanted to achieve, so if we focus our goals on how we perform, we can still celebrate our achievements and growth even if an unexpected event meant that the goal had to be amended.
• Accept change. The one thing we can count on in life is that things will change. This is tricky one, but a good place to start is by acknowledging change, then taking time to reflect on what you may learn, benefit from and what might be a growth opportunity in this change. Another idea is to bring in some gratitude practise and write out what 3 good things might come out of this change.
• Be present. We know we can’t change the past, and we know we can’t predict the future. If we are present, we won’t be worrying about the future, and it will be easier to let go of control is all we are focused on is now. Mindfulness is a great way to stay present, we have some lovely videos on our YouTube channel to help with this!

How did you get on? Let us know your thoughts!

Patti xx