Patti Explores Her Thoughts Around Loneliness For Mental Health Awareness Week

Patti Explores Her Thoughts Around Loneliness For Mental Health Awareness Week

When I saw the theme of this year’s mental health awareness week was loneliness, I was really glad, and encouraged, to see this being discussed. I’ve felt many pangs of loneliness over the years, and it’s really impacted on my ability to feel happy, to remain positive and to keep motivated to look after my wellbeing.

Looking into the research, it’s fascinating, yet heart-breaking to know that loneliness has been linked to depression, heart disease, Type 2 diabetes, arthritis, and Alzheimer’s. It has also been linked to physiological responses such as the increase in cortisol (our stress hormone), issues with sleep and weakened immunity. The official statistics of the Wellbeing and Loneliness – Community Life Survey (2021) state that approximately 3 million people in England said they feel lonely often or always. Again, this is heart breaking, but also somewhat comforting to reflect on how many people feel loneliness.

So, what makes us feel lonely?

Lack of connection: I always had this notion that loneliness meant an absence of people, but I have come to realise that this isn’t always the case.

When I felt the hardest experiences of loneliness, the thing I found most interesting was that I wasn’t alone. At the time I hadn’t quite put my finger on it, but on reflection I realised that whilst I was surrounded by people; I’d never felt so lonely. Similarly, upon coming out of a big relationship, whilst it was a big life change that took a lot of adjusting, I realised I actually felt less lonely living alone with my cat than when in the relationship.

Loneliness doesn’t have to be a lack of people; in its definition, loneliness is a state of discomfort from a perceived gap between a desire for social connectedness and the actual experiences of it. So, we may be surrounded by people, but if those relationships are inauthentic or do not give us the connectedness we desire, that in itself can lead to loneliness. I realise that the people surrounding me at that time of my life had different values, different preferences for connection and in simple terms I didn’t connect with.

Life changes: big life changes can also make us feel lonely. I have made a few big locations moves over the years and whilst it has been exciting, making friends as an adult can be quite tricky, especially for an introvert who gets her energy from processing and reflection time!

I’ve also noticed myself walking around new cities alone, seeing big groups of friends and feeling very lonely upon comparing my situation to others. I was giving myself a hard time in a situation where of course I would feel lonely in a place where I didn’t know anyone!

A good reminder here is that Comparison is the thief of joy

Working from home: Whilst I love working from home, I get loads done, I feel very focused and avoid distractions, I can sometimes go for days without seeing another person which can also increase loneliness.

What can we do about it?

Here are a few of my top tips for combatting loneliness that I have learned through my experiences of loneliness:

Join a social group with people with similar interests; I love walking and being in nature, but often felt lonely, and if I’m honest, a bit scared sometimes doing big hikes and new routes alone! So, I joined a social walking group. Whilst it was a bit scary meeting lots of completely new people all in one go, everyone else was in the same position and the awkwardness soon melted away.
Be careful with comparisons; its normal to feel pangs of loneliness when seeing big groups having fun either in person or social media. If you are feeling lonely try to limit social media and remind yourself, it is normal and okay to feel lonely occasionally.
Give yourself self-care; Be kind to yourself! Treat yourself as you would a friend and do activities that renew you.
Reach out to talk; paradoxically sometimes when we feel lonely, we will often make ourselves more isolated. Although it is hard, reach out to others that you trust, be that friends, family, a counsellor, or a peer support service. Opening up about how you feel and reflecting on what you are thinking with others can be really useful.
Pay attention to your feelings; it’s normal to feel loneliness on occasions, and its normal to take time to understand what makes you feel less lonely. Try keeping a journal to help reflect on the occasions you feel lonely and what can help you in those times.
Make yourself a working from home plan; think about your preferences and find a way with your employer to meet your needs, maybe it’s having virtual tea breaks with others or doing a day in the office or co-working space per week. Ensure that you still have short breaks scheduled in each day and try to move around your environment to help have different perspectives.

I hope this list is helpful!

Love,

Patti xxx

Patti Explores Her Thoughts Around Loneliness For Mental Health Awareness Week